For Bailey

October 8, 2013

We had to say goodbye to our beautiful boy last night. It’s been an emotionally numbing few days and it all happened so fast. I’ve never quite experienced this amount of grief in my entire life and I’m still not sure how to process it. My heart literally aches and I haven’t been able to stop crying – even though I’m quite certain I’m still in a state of shock, I just feel like my heart has splintered and as much as we knew this time was coming with Bailey, there was just no way of actually preparing for this.
But while I’ve been existing in a fog for days now, at the core of it, I just feel so utterly grateful and lucky to have had Bailey in my life. Not only do I have an angel watching over me now that Bailey’s gone to a better place, but Bailey was an angel to me for over 13 years of my life. He never needed Heaven to be an angel. 
Bailey was my unfaltering source of joy and of happiness. He taught me how to love unconditionally and how to accept that love back. He made me see the beauty in every single day – whether it was stroking his velvet ears or watching him carry a stick three times his length or watching him sniffing with his speckled pink nose in the air first thing in the morning, there wasn’t a moment I shared with Bailey that was not filled with love and joy and laughter. He got me through my formative and very difficult years as a teenager, at times being the only real friend I had, and he’s continued to be the most loyal and best friend I’ve ever had. He made me a better person, making me more capable to love, trust others and find happiness. I love him so much and will love him my whole life. As difficult as it is to lose him, I can only really feel so very lucky for having had this beautiful, special being in my life – he was the best dog and the best thing to happen to me. 
Bailey was in a lot of pain toward the end of his life and though his spirit and personality were always there, I find solace knowing his pain has ended and that he is now running around happily in Heaven, undoubtedly splashing around in the nearest body of water, wagging his tail like a maniac and eating as many pumpkin bran muffins (his favourite) as he wants. Though it was not easy to do, I’m happy we were able to give him the one last act of love we did last night and give him a painless and peaceful end to what was a very happy, long and full life. I’ll miss him every day.
As much as I have no idea when I’ll ever feel any semblance of normalcy in the future, I know that Bailey would want us to keep his spirit alive by braving on with everything in our lives, remembering him every day but learning to keep on. He was such a devoted dog who went to great lengths making sure we were always happy – because of this, I’m going to be keeping up with everything at work and here as best as I can. I may be a bit on auto drive for awhile but I do believe that the best way to move forward is to move forward, so please just bear with me over the coming weeks :).
Thank you to everyone who has reached out – it’s always been so amazing to me how Bailey managed to become loved by so many of our friends, and it’s also wonderful to see that he’s so fondly remembered by those he’s never even met. He really and truly was the best boy. 
Love you forever and more Bailey. Thank you for everything you did for me and for being our most amazing and sweet puppy.

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  • Reply Kate October 8, 2013 at 1:52 pm

    Aw, I'm so sorry Alex.That's heartbreaking. 🙁 Even just through instagram it was clear how much you loved that dog. RIP sweet Bailey.

  • Reply Heather October 8, 2013 at 2:04 pm

    I'm am so so so sorry for your lost. My thoughts are with you. Bailey looked like a total sweetie. I could totally tell how much you both loved each other through your instagram and blog photos. He will always be apart of your life and always with you in spirit. RIP Bailey you sweet pup.


    • Reply ToVogueOrBust October 9, 2013 at 4:15 pm

      Thanks so much for the kind words Heather. As much as I miss him right now, I agree that he will always be in my life somehow :).

  • Reply Rebekah October 8, 2013 at 2:59 pm

    I'm so sorry for your loss. Losing a pet is the worst – it feels like you've lost a family member. Right now, like you said, Bailey's enjoying doggy heaven pain free.

  • Reply nicola lynde October 8, 2013 at 3:41 pm

    I'm so sorry! Loosing some one so special is never easy. All the best to you, and your family.

    • Reply ToVogueOrBust October 9, 2013 at 4:16 pm

      Thank you Nicola! That's so appreciated 🙂

  • Reply October 8, 2013 at 3:47 pm

    Oh Alex, I am so sorry for your loss. I loved reading about Bailey and seeing his adorable pictures on Instagram. I know that times are tough right now, but I love that you are able to see how lucky you are to have had such an amazing pup in your life for so long. Losing a pet is an awful thing to go through, but we are all here for you.

    • Reply ToVogueOrBust October 9, 2013 at 4:16 pm

      Thank you so much :). The absence feels horrible but yes, I just feel so lucky. He was the best dog.

  • Reply Melanie Liliana October 8, 2013 at 3:58 pm

    Oh Alex,I am SO sorry for your loss. From the moment I discovered your blog I could see the love you had for your Bailey. He was the cutest and always looked SO happy and thats because he had the best family! A dog is more than a pet, it is literally your family member and although I have not experienced your pain yet I know it must be so difficult to bear. It will get better and take as much time as you need! RIP Bailey <3

    • Reply ToVogueOrBust October 9, 2013 at 4:17 pm

      Thanks so much Melanie – means a lot to my family and I to hear you say that!

  • Reply Annick October 8, 2013 at 4:08 pm

    Oh my goodness Alex, I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine how painful it must be losing such a big part of your life. Bailey looked so happy in all the pictures you posted of him so know you obviously gave him an amazing life. I know it feels rough right now, but it will get better – take all the time you need! RIP Bailey

    • Reply ToVogueOrBust October 9, 2013 at 4:17 pm

      Thanks so much Annick – so happy that Bailey's joy came through in all his pictures, he really was the most joyful and loving dog!

  • Reply Sue @ A Colourful Canvas October 8, 2013 at 4:11 pm

    Oh Alexandra, I'm so deeply sorry for your loss. Our four legged loves leave such big gaps in our lives and our hearts when they leave us. It hurts. A lot. But your words remind us that Bailey is flying free on the wings of an angel, eating pumpkin bran muffins, with a big stick by his side. There is really no adequate words to convey my sympathies, but consider yourself wrapped in a warm cyber hug. xo

  • Reply Cee October 8, 2013 at 4:47 pm

    I'm so, so sorry to read this pally – I know what a huge part of your life, and part of your family, Bailey was. He was always such a sweet and uplifting presence, even just through your instagram shots, and I know he will be sorely missed. Sending lots of love your way.

  • Reply Heidi October 8, 2013 at 5:02 pm

    I am so sorry. This was such a sweet post, I was crying by the end of it. We actually had to put our thirteen year old chocolate lab down two days ago. He was such a loving dog. It is hard to loose a member of the family. xo Heidi

    • Reply ToVogueOrBust October 9, 2013 at 4:20 pm

      I'm so sorry to hear about your loss Heidi. Labs are such special dogs – they're just so loving, it's hard for people not to meet them and instantly fall in love with them. Know I'm going through the same thing and am thinking of you 🙂

  • Reply Sara Strauss {Sincerely, Sara} October 8, 2013 at 5:10 pm

    I'm so sorry, Alex! I know the hole in your heart will never leave, but try to fill it with happy memories of him. I'm sure Bailey would want that. Sending happy thoughts your way.

    • Reply ToVogueOrBust October 9, 2013 at 4:20 pm

      Thanks so much Sara :). That's exactly what I'm trying to do, though it's hard right now.

  • Reply alison*elle October 8, 2013 at 5:25 pm

    Oh my gosh, I am so sorry, Alex. I know how much you and your family loved Bailey. Je was the sweetest dog <3

    • Reply ToVogueOrBust October 9, 2013 at 4:21 pm

      Thanks so much Alison. He really was the sweetest dog 🙂

  • Reply Christie H October 8, 2013 at 6:23 pm

    From one dog lover to another. It is absolutely heart wrenching to lose your Bailey. I am so sorry. Keep loving for his sake! xo

  • Reply Kathryn Lees October 8, 2013 at 6:32 pm

    Alex, I am so sorry for your loss. There is nothing more heart breaking than saying goodbye to your friend. I cried reading this post (at work). My thoughts and love are with you. Keep up the positive thoughts.


  • Reply Lisa October 8, 2013 at 6:36 pm

    I'm so sorry for your loss, Alex.

  • Reply Kimberly October 8, 2013 at 6:38 pm

    Oh I am so so sorry, Alex! I know how animals (especially dogs) become a part of your family and it's so hard to say goodbye. Sending hugs from NY! xo

  • Reply veronika girlandcloset October 8, 2013 at 6:44 pm

    Nooooo, Alex! I'm so sorry to hear this… sending the biggest hugs to you!!


  • Reply Amanda October 8, 2013 at 7:07 pm

    Well that just made me cry 🙁
    Feel better soon XOX

  • Reply Amanda October 8, 2013 at 7:15 pm

    Well that just made me cry 🙁
    Feel better soon XOX

  • Reply Puddingcup October 8, 2013 at 7:36 pm

    Anyone who has ever opened their door – and their heart – to include a four-legged family member will understand how devastating their loss is. I had to say good-bye to one of my own little ones (at only three years of age) recently; but even at thirteen, they are never with us long enough. I am so sorry for your loss.

    • Reply ToVogueOrBust October 9, 2013 at 4:24 pm

      So sorry to hear about your loss :(. You're so right, I just wish we could've had him forever…even when they're ready, it's impossible to feel ready ourselves. Thanks for your kind words 🙂

  • Reply Petra October 8, 2013 at 8:55 pm

    That's really sad. I'm so sorry. It's hard to lose such an amazing friend. I know this because I lost my friend for two years after 16 years. He was such a cute one.
    Send you a lots hugs.
    xo, Petra

    • Reply ToVogueOrBust October 9, 2013 at 4:27 pm

      Thanks so much Petra. I'm so sorry for your loss as well. They're the best friends.

  • Reply Marie a la Mode October 8, 2013 at 9:02 pm

    Alexandra, I am so very sorry to hear about the passing of your beloved Bailey, I am tearing up right now. I always loved seeing pics of Bailey here on your blog and Instagram. You could always tell how important and special he was to you and your family and how much he was loved. I wish I could give you a great big hug right now. Thinking of you xo

    • Reply ToVogueOrBust October 9, 2013 at 4:27 pm

      Thanks so much Marie :). It's so nice to hear that it was apparent how much he was loved – he really was my favourite thing in the world.

  • Reply JennaStevie October 9, 2013 at 12:55 am

    I am so so sorry to hear about Bailey, that's such a tough loss. He was such an important piece to your life, and I can see how much he meant to you. Loosing pets is so hard, they become so close to you, Mr.Duke is my best friend so I can only imagine what you're going through. You and your family are definitely in my thoughts right now

    • Reply ToVogueOrBust October 9, 2013 at 4:28 pm

      Thanks so much Jenna, that means a lot 🙂

  • Reply shesseasonallyinspired October 9, 2013 at 4:35 am

    I'm so sorry to hear about you loss. It's never easy to loose your best friend. I read this quote and thought it spoke a lot about what a dog means to us.
    " God said I need somebody strong enough to pull sleds and find bombs, yet gentle enough to love babies and lead to the blind. Somebody who will spend all day on a couch with a resting head and supportive eyes to lift the spirits of a broken heart, so god made a dog. "
    Bailey will always be there for you xo

    • Reply ToVogueOrBust October 9, 2013 at 4:29 pm

      I love that quote :). Thanks so much Caitlin.

  • Reply amuseume October 9, 2013 at 4:55 am

    I am so sorry to hear about Bailey. I can completely sympathize as I lost my dog two years ago too after sixteen years and it was absolutely devastating. Bailey will always be missed, and you can just tell that he was the type of dog who was such a loyal companion and friend. I'm sure he's looking after you, just as he always was.

    • Reply ToVogueOrBust October 9, 2013 at 4:30 pm

      Thanks so much for the comforting words :). Sorry for your loss as well – they're just such important parts of our lives.

  • Reply Christine (Fash n Chips) October 9, 2013 at 6:31 am

    I already send you a message on Instagram but this just won't let me go.
    This is the exact post I could've written about my Kobus a few years ago. It's insane the amount of love we feel for a dog and I can relate to the feeling of just being so grateful to having had them in our life to make us know about love like that.
    As much as you're sad and aching right now I promise you there will come a time when the aching fades and all there will be left are wonderful memories. I hope until then it will help you to know there are lots of people thinking about you and feeling for you and you're not alone! X

    • Reply ToVogueOrBust October 9, 2013 at 4:31 pm

      Thanks so much Christine – your words are so comforting and mean a lot. You're right, the aching is definitely just excruciating right now but I know the happy memories will replace it soon. Thank you for keeping me in your thoughts 🙂

  • Reply Marie-Eve October 9, 2013 at 11:47 pm

    I'm so sorry for your loss. Losing a part of your family really feels like loosing a part of your heart ! He will always stay in your heart no matter what, and with times it's gonna hurt less. In the meantime, my toughts are with you ! xoxo
    My Blog – A Pretty Nest

  • Reply annie. October 10, 2013 at 2:40 am

    Awww I went through the same thing with my lab in April, it was really sad but I have such great memories and I know she had a great life. We used to have four pets at one point and now we have none and it's really sad. But I feel blessed I even knew my dog. I did a post about her too because it really affected me like you with your doggy.

    Annie |

  • Reply Rosa October 10, 2013 at 5:45 am

    So awful to lose a loved one. So very hard and yet you have the blessing of carrying Bailey in your heart and memory. Hope that memory makes you smile soon. xo

  • Reply Rosa October 10, 2013 at 5:46 am

    So awful to lose a loved one. So very hard and yet you have the blessing of carrying Bailey in your heart and memory. Hope that memory makes you smile soon. xo

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