We had to say goodbye to our beautiful boy last night. It’s been an emotionally numbing few days and it all happened so fast. I’ve never quite experienced this amount of grief in my entire life and I’m still not sure how to process it. My heart literally aches and I haven’t been able to stop crying – even though I’m quite certain I’m still in a state of shock, I just feel like my heart has splintered and as much as we knew this time was coming with Bailey, there was just no way of actually preparing for this.
But while I’ve been existing in a fog for days now, at the core of it, I just feel so utterly grateful and lucky to have had Bailey in my life. Not only do I have an angel watching over me now that Bailey’s gone to a better place, but Bailey was an angel to me for over 13 years of my life. He never needed Heaven to be an angel.
Bailey was my unfaltering source of joy and of happiness. He taught me how to love unconditionally and how to accept that love back. He made me see the beauty in every single day – whether it was stroking his velvet ears or watching him carry a stick three times his length or watching him sniffing with his speckled pink nose in the air first thing in the morning, there wasn’t a moment I shared with Bailey that was not filled with love and joy and laughter. He got me through my formative and very difficult years as a teenager, at times being the only real friend I had, and he’s continued to be the most loyal and best friend I’ve ever had. He made me a better person, making me more capable to love, trust others and find happiness. I love him so much and will love him my whole life. As difficult as it is to lose him, I can only really feel so very lucky for having had this beautiful, special being in my life – he was the best dog and the best thing to happen to me.
Bailey was in a lot of pain toward the end of his life and though his spirit and personality were always there, I find solace knowing his pain has ended and that he is now running around happily in Heaven, undoubtedly splashing around in the nearest body of water, wagging his tail like a maniac and eating as many pumpkin bran muffins (his favourite) as he wants. Though it was not easy to do, I’m happy we were able to give him the one last act of love we did last night and give him a painless and peaceful end to what was a very happy, long and full life. I’ll miss him every day.
As much as I have no idea when I’ll ever feel any semblance of normalcy in the future, I know that Bailey would want us to keep his spirit alive by braving on with everything in our lives, remembering him every day but learning to keep on. He was such a devoted dog who went to great lengths making sure we were always happy – because of this, I’m going to be keeping up with everything at work and here as best as I can. I may be a bit on auto drive for awhile but I do believe that the best way to move forward is to move forward, so please just bear with me over the coming weeks :).
Thank you to everyone who has reached out – it’s always been so amazing to me how Bailey managed to become loved by so many of our friends, and it’s also wonderful to see that he’s so fondly remembered by those he’s never even met. He really and truly was the best boy.
Love you forever and more Bailey. Thank you for everything you did for me and for being our most amazing and sweet puppy.